Author: Siteri R

  • How Journaling Can Deepen Your Spiritual Life as a Single Older Introverted Christian Woman

    How Journaling Can Deepen Your Spiritual Life as a Single Older Introverted Christian Woman

    Can we all agree that the personal, quiet practice of journaling (and, yes, keeping a diary) was made for us introverted souls?

    We live in a noisy (and broken) world, and it can be hectic to find a quiet place to connect with God, gather our thoughts, lay out all our emotions, and simply be. For many of us single older introverted Christian women, journaling is the key to unlocking a deeper, more intimate relationship with God.

    Distinctions are often made between journaling and keeping a diary. Personally, I think they’re the same thing or at least similar. For the sake of this post, I will use the term journaling to refer to both.


    An open Bible, a blank wide page notebook, a pen and a brown deep wooden tray containing a potted plant and a mug of black coffee lay on a white bedsheet, with a grey wool blanket.

    Why Journaling is Especially Powerful for Us Single, Older, Introverted Christian Women

    As introverts, you and I know that we think a lot, with a tendency to overthink things. And we process things internally. Journaling naturally fits our need for quiet solitude, deep reflection, and introspection.

    Journaling suits our reflective nature. And as private people, our journals are our sacred, peaceful space where we can reflect on God’s love for us, and write out our thoughts and prayers. It also serves to mark our spiritual growth and progress.

    Journaling can boost our spiritual life by helping us gain spiritual clarity, heal emotionally, and it can provide us with a more structured way to deepen our faith.

    Journaling or keeping a diary helps your spiritual growth in solitude because it gives you a private, uninterrupted space to engage with God on a personal level. This is important for us introverts because we often prefer one-on-one or intimate settings, and journaling allows for that connection without the need for external socialization.

    Our personal quiet time with God is vital as we grow older, and when we take the time to quiet our busy mind, write down our anxious emotions, it can help us heal and grow while in solitude.

    When we know that we’re the only ones, apart from God, who will see and read our journal entries, it helps us to be vulnerable with God. We’re free to express our deepest thoughts and feelings, whether it’s about loneliness, joy, or struggles in faith, in a safe, non-judgmental way. This freedom helps foster emotional and spiritual healing.

    I struggle with group sharing; in fact, I struggle with group anything. My journaling practice has helped me to express myself better, if only in the pages of my diary, and helps me to be more honest with God because my diary is my safe space.

    See your journal as your private sanctuary for honest dialogue with God. It’s where you can express your doubts, fears, and joys without judgment, and as you continue, you’ll find that your prayers become more intimate and more authentic. I can testify to that.


    A grey haired elegantly dressed elderly lady sits in quiet solitude on a park bench with her walking cane beside her.

    How Journaling Deepens Your Spiritual Life & Heals Your Emotions

    Our written prayers are extensions of our spoken ones. When we write them down, we’re able to articulate them, and in the process, we’re able to work through whatever questions and doubts the Holy Spirit brings to our minds. Writing our prayers in the pages of our journals keeps them all in one place and provides a record that we can refer to of how God works in our lives and answers our prayers.

    Journaling is a pathway to reflect on areas of our lives that we’re struggling with, for self-discovery, healing, and growth.

    It’s how we can process and navigate through the challenges of not only being single but of being single, aging women. Our journals become a trusted place to grieve our losses, and confide our fears and our loneliness to God. Writing about our struggles and seeking God’s comfort through our journals can be a means of emotional healing.

    Not only that, but it’s also where we write out our letters and words of praise and gratitude to God. This further increases our gratitude and allows the Holy Spirit to guide us and clearly show us our next steps, especially when dealing with decisions about career, ministry, or personal life goals.

    Through introspection and journaling, we can reflect on our unique gifts and calling. Journaling helps us reaffirm our self-worth as a cherished child of God, independent of marital status or career, reinforcing our purpose within the Christian faith. Journaling allows for a clearer perspective on where God is leading us. We can celebrate our dependence on God and explore our purpose and identity in Christ.

    Through the structure and routine of journaling, accompanied by prayer and reading the Bible daily, we stay consistent in our walk with God. It’s a way to commit to a daily or weekly practice of spiritual reflection, even during busy or emotionally challenging times.

    We can use journaling as a tool for Bible Study and meditation. Record insights from your scripture readings, explore how verses apply to you and to your specific life stage, and use the pages to meditate on God’s word, turning study into a personal written conversation with the Holy Spirit. 

    Practice recognizing God’s presence by regularly writing down answered prayers, daily blessings, and moments of grace; this way, you train your heart to recognize God’s hand in your everyday life, cultivating a deep sense of gratitude and awareness of His constant presence.

    If you’re confident and want to leave your journals for others to read, it can become your legacy of faith. As you continue to record God’s blessings, favours, and teachings in your journal, you transform it into a spiritual legacy. It can serve as a testament to your enduring faith, a record of God’s faithfulness throughout your life, that could potentially inspire your descendants or whomever you decide to leave your journals to.


    Practical Tips for Journaling as a Single, Older Introverted Christian Woman

    • Pick a Notebook and Pen:
      If you’re like me and get intimidated by fancy journals, pick a simple exercise (school composition) book. I prefer ruled pages, so school exercise books work well for me. I cover them with gift wrapping paper with colourful prints, or sometimes I cover them with a simple brown paper cover and decorate it with collages. Buy whatever pens you’re comfortable using. Don’t journal with pencils; however, if you’re into sketching and drawing, pencils are okay. But if you want what you’ve written to last and not fade, then I’d recommend pens. Use different coloured pens, or stick to one colour, whatever works for you. I use black pens exclusively, and blue when I’m writing down Bible verses and quotes. I highlight things I want to stand out.
    • Create a Peaceful Environment:
      You can journal anywhere as long as people aren’t looking over your shoulder and reading what you’ve written. When journaling at home, you can create a calm space for journaling, such as choosing a quiet spot, lighting a candle, or listening to calming instrumental worship music. This helps make the practice feel like a sacred ritual. If your home is noisy, like mine, praying before you sit down to write definitely helps. I often pick a time when everyone has settled in for the night, say a little prayer, and write.
    • Set Realistic Goals for Your Journaling Practice:
      I suggest setting goals for a few minutes a day, a specific number of pages, or a certain number of times a week. Or just write down as the Holy Spirit leads you. It doesn’t have to be perfect or lengthy—just consistent.
    • Incorporate Bible Verses and Reflections:
      Journaling is richer and deeper when accompanied by your daily spiritual practice of prayer and reading the Bible. Write a Bible verse that stood out to you in your journal, reflect on it and then journal your thoughts and prayers related to it. This helps you connect Scripture with your written words and helps you clarify your personal insights, and encourages and enhances spiritual growth.
    • Use Prompts to Get Started:
      You can visit some of the blogs and posts I’ve included in the resources below for prompts to help you if you’re stuck. Or, you can simply search the Web using the following phrases: “journaling prompts for Christian women,” or “introverted Christian women journaling ideas.”
      • Here are a few examples of journaling prompts:
        • “What is one area of my life where I need God’s guidance today?”
        • “How have I seen God’s faithfulness in my life recently?”
        • “What is a prayer I feel led to write out today?”
        • “What am I grateful for in this season of my life?”

    How to Stay Consistent in Your Journaling Practice

    • Make It a Habit:
      You’ve got to create a system where you make journaling part of your daily or weekly routine. If you have a mobile phone, you can set an alarm for a certain time each day, or every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It doesn’t have to be a specific time each time. It just has to be a time when you know you won’t be disturbed.
    • Be Graceful with Yourself:
      Don’t be discouraged if you miss a day or don’t have the words to write. Life happens. Journaling is a personal and grace-filled practice, and there’s no wrong way to do it. Keep up with your daily prayer and Bible reading practice, and tell God honestly about how you’re struggling to find time to journal, and you’ll be surprised by how He allows you free time to write.

    Top Christian Journaling Blogs & Resources

    Here are a few Christian and faith-journaling blogs (or blog-style resources) that focus substantially on journaling — prayer journaling, Bible journaling, spiritual formation through writing, etc. Some are more creative, some more disciplined — but all are good models or sources to draw from.


    • Journal Keeping by Luann Budd
    Spiritual-formation blog by Luann Budd with decades of experience. Her site is very journaling-centric and deeply reflective.
    Well-Watered Women – “Journal the Word”
    Gretchen Saffles writes about journaling Scripture, prayers, and praises as a way to know God more intimately.
    Well-Watered Women – “20 Journaling Prompts for Spiritual Growth”
    A great prompt list for journaling with God-focused reflection.
    LivingPraying.com – “Spiritual Journaling for the Christian”
    A practical guide to what spiritual journaling is and how to begin.
    Rebekah R. Jones – Bible Art Journaling
    Tutorials, devotions, and creative Bible journaling.
    Christian Art Journaling by Bev Jessup
    Community + blog for creative journaling, prophetic art, and faith through art.
    Godsy Girl – “How to Journal as a Christian Woman”
    A warm, structured approach to journaling faith, examining life, and hearing God.
    The Daily Grace Co. – “Reflecting on God Through Journaling”
    Encourages combining Scripture study + journaling + reflection.
    My Top 7 Christian Journaling Practices (RJ Christian Coaching)
    Practical journaling practices: prayer, reflection, praise, Scripture, etc.
    Tirzah Magazine – “Journal Prompts for Christian Women”
    A post full of 30+ journaling prompts tailored for Christian women.
    Nicole O’Meara – “Journaling God’s Faithfulness”
    10 prompts for remembering God’s faithfulness, building trust, and creating a faith “memorial.”
    Cathy McIntosh – “Spiritual Journals — A 4-Step Formula”
    A more structured, self-examination-oriented journaling method for Christians.
    Hispalette – “Creative Worship 101: Bible Journaling for Beginners”
    A gentle, creative intro to Bible journaling that emphasizes relationship over perfection.
    Adorned in Armor – “These 5 Journaling Secrets Transformed My Relationship With God”
    Personal reflections on how journaling became a safe space for prayer, healing, and growth.
    Saving Grace Blog – “Journaling Your Faith”
    Ideas for integrating Bible study and journaling into a devotional rhythm.
    BibleJournalingMadeSimple.com
    Blog with approachable Bible-journaling content and decision-making reflections.


    Your Turn

    I particularly encourage you, my fellow single, older, introverted Christian woman, to view journaling as a tool and a safe space for self-reflection, prayer, and spiritual growth. Ultimately, journaling provides a structured and deeply personal avenue for self-reflection and spiritual growth, perfectly suited for us introverted women who find strength and solace in quiet contemplation and private devotion.

    Take a moment to reflect: How can journaling bring you closer to God today? Start small, but start today, and watch your spiritual life grow. Journaling doesn’t need to be intimidating. It’s simply a personal, quiet way to engage with our faith and with God.

    Used prayerfully, journaling can be a transformative practice.

    Leave a comment with your thoughts or share your favourite journaling prompts.


    Credit: Photos by Andreea Popa and Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash, edited on Canva

  • What ‘Walking Together’ Means For Our Relationship With God

    What ‘Walking Together’ Means For Our Relationship With God

    God’s rhetorical question to the people of Israel, He asks through the prophet Amos, is one we must apply to our relationship with Him…

    Can two walk together unless they are agreed?

    Amos 3:3 NKJV

    God calls out Israel, His chosen people, whom He had freed out of Egypt, on their misalignment with Him. Misalignment with God is disobedience.

    You know how difficult and uncomfortable things get, when you’ve agreed to walk with a friend and you’re facing opposite directions. This is compounded in our relationship with God, the most important relationship we will ever have, where its necessary, and vital that we’re aligned with Him.

    Walking together

    Enoch is often held up as a prime example of someone who walked with God. When we read and take n apart bit by bit, it yields a deeper richer sense of intimacy that this old introvert wants, hopes to get.

    Walking is an idiom meaning fellowship, partnership and shared direction. In the Bible, the people who walk with God are obedient to Him and follow His directions.

    Walking with God is not a casual activity one takes up on a weekend but soon abandons it on Monday morning. No, walking with God is a commitment that is meant to involve your entire life for the rest of your life. It means setting aside everything and anything that threatens to distract you away from your time with God. It means prioritizing time with Him, holding intimate honest conversations with Him through prayer, reading the Bible every day to know more of Him, to truly know Him.

    When deep calls to deep

    God has already set His terms in His Word, the Holy Bible, and through the Word, Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, of how He wants us to relate to Him and what we’re to do. It’s now up to us to follow through and stay the course.

    We begin by surrendering all we are to Him, surrendering our goals and purposes for His, prioritizing Him in our daily lives.

    Reflect on it

    What do you need to do today, right now, to get in sync with God?

    Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

  • Decluttering After Fifty

    Decluttering After Fifty

    Decluttering is a spiritual discipline. It’s taken me turning fifty to realise that.

    Why did it take me so long? Why did I struggle with this?

    Clearing away my possessions was never easy for me. Not just to clear them but to actually pack up what I no longer had any use for and give them away.

    Looking back now, after a major decluttering session, I can finally admit that it’s because I wanted to show people that I had certain things. Things they might not have, even though I’d outgrown it or it wasn’t something I’d use, I’d still buy and keep it in the hope that someday, when we’d built our new house, I’d display them.

    The dream of a new house is there, but the finances and the materials aren’t. Meanwhile, things, stuff accumulate. What to do when space runs out but to clean up and clean them out.

    The clean up yielded five cartons of books, separated into non-fiction (memoirs, Christian non-fiction, and psychology/self-help) and fiction (from my favourite authors Agatha Christie, Ellis Peters, Ian Rankin and poetry books), and about as many cartons of odds and ends that I’m determined to look through next weekend. I’m scheduling a thorough look through my wardrobe over the next few days because that’s also where I’m guilty of buying in excess.

    It’s not only pride that kept me hoarding things, but the thought that I might need them one day. That elusive day. Things gather dust, cause more work and take up space.

    Reading up on decluttering led me to a few good sites and the occasional YouTube videos on minimalism. As I try to follow Yeshua’s example, I find that His was a minimalist existence as far as material things went. His not owning anything might seem austere and extreme, but then He came from Heaven and He owns everything.

    Can you imagine having that mindset, that perspective, that since our Heavenly Father owns everything, we don’t have to hoard things, and we can be free to give things away? Perhaps we can be smarter and not buy things we don’t need, will never use? Better distinguish between our needs and wants.

    Follow our ultimate role model, our Lord and Saviour, Yeshua Hamashiach Himself.

    Credit: Photo by Kaboompics

  • I Shall Not Want: Thoughts on Psalm 23

    I Shall Not Want: Thoughts on Psalm 23

    Have you ever wondered about the things you will not want when reading Psalm 23:1?

    It’s been on my mind a lot lately when meditating on verse 1 in particular. I read somewhere, sometime ago, that it has something to do with not having any lack in our lives. Because when the Lord God is our Shepherd, we have everything. The best of everything.

    When I think of all the things I won’t lack, all I think about are the things I need, like the air I breathe, clean water, good food, and good health. I’m not thinking about the things I don’t want. I wonder why I’ve not thought much about these unwanted things, or why I’ve never prayed against them.

    The Unwanted

    It’s easy for me to only focus on the good things in my life when life is good and everything seems to be going great. But when problems arise, my focus shifts and I start thinking about all the things I don’t want in my life: sickness, lack of money, rude people, stress, bad weather, and the list goes on.

    When we have all the good, we won’t want any of the bad. When we have God’s goodness, we won’t even think about any bad thing. And that’s a good thing because our minds are supposed to be on God.

    God promises His perfect peace to us when our minds are on Him. Think of God, think of all the good He’s done in, for you and through you. Be thankful, be grateful, and you’ll be content.

  • In Spite Of Present Troubles, God Is In Control

    In Spite Of Present Troubles, God Is In Control

    Have you remained faithful and true to God in spite of the troubles you’re going through? Is it an easy thing to do?

    The Book of Daniel is one of my favourite books of the Bible because of its account of the four friends, who despite being taken captive by an enemy king, remained faithful to God.

    Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon and his army besieged Jerusalem and ‘he carried into captivity all Jerusalem: all the captains and all the mighty men of valor, ten thousand captives, and all the craftsmen and smiths. None remained except the poorest people of the land.’ (2 Kings 24:14 NKJV)

    Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were among those ‘young men in whom there was no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand’ (Daniel 1:4 NKJV)

    A little history lesson

    To fully understand how and why Daniel and his friends became captives in Babylon, we have to go back to what the kings of Israel and Judah did during their reigns, in particular, Manasseh, whom the Bible says, ‘provoked God.

    Read these verses for context

    2 Chronicles 36:1-8
    2 Kings 20:12-19; 24
    Isaiah 39

    How do you remain faithful when your life is turning upside down?

    It’s easy for people, who aren’t going through what you’re going through, to tell you to just pray to God, pray harder, fast and pray, things will work out, God is faithful and so on and on. And you know that those are all true, but it sometimes doesn’t seem enough, or it feels and looks like nothing is happening in your circumstances, in fact, it’s getting worse.

    God tests and grows our faith and commitment in different ways. For some, job losses, death of loved ones, poverty, divorce, and for others it might be outright persecution for being a Christian, or for being a certain ethnicity. These are what we like to call ‘the Devil’s work. But, we forget that the Devil, no matter how powerful some people (usually his most outspoken and sadly deluded worshippers) say he is, still has to wait for God’s authorisation to act, especially when it comes to us believers and followers of Yeshua Hamashiach.

    Daniel and his friends knew this. Perhaps they heard or read about what happened to Job and trusted God enough to know that no matter what He would never allow anything to happen to them without also providing a way through.

    It might be easy for us who have never been taken captives or our home and countries have never been besieged by an enemy king like Daniel and his friends, we’ve never been taken hostage like those in Israel who were taken hostage by Hamas, or been persecuted like other Christians in some parts of the world, or even killed for our faith in Yeshua Hamashiach, like what’s happening in Nigeria and Mozambique, to say just remember Daniel and his friends. Do what they did. I think there is a valuable lesson we can learn right from the first chapter of Daniel on we can remain faithful and steadfast in the midst of trouble and tragedy.

    Purpose in your heart to remain faithful to God

    But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies, nor with the wine which he drank; therefore he requested with the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.

    Daniel 1:8

    That’s the key. Daniel decided that even with something as seemingly small as what he ate and drank he would still follow the dietary requirements God set through Moses and Aaron. Read Leviticus 11.

    Daniel knew that if he remained faithful in the small things, God would trust him with big things, with bigger assignments. Some of us still eat and drink things we know are bad for us (I know a diabetic who eats sweets and fizzy drinks like coke despite her doctor’s warnings). God did trust Daniel with huge tasks, of helping to clarify God’s plan to Nebuchadnezzar and his successors.

    The point is that Daniel, Hananiah, Michael, and Azariah already believed in God before they were taken captive. Their new and desperate circumstances didn’t make them doubt God’s power, no, they remained resolute in their faith in God despite their captivity.

    If you already believe God when things are going well with you, then your faith must increase when times are bad because you know, that God is, and always will be, in full and complete control.

    Keep those who are also going through hard times, and even harder times than you in your prayers. Pray that God keeps them faithful, and provides a way through their present troubles.

    May the Grace of God be with you always!

    Featured image http://www.plinia.net/wonders/gardens/hgpix1.html, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
  • Happy Rosh Hashanah! Pray for the Peace of Israel

    Happy Rosh Hashanah! Pray for the Peace of Israel

    On Wednesday 17 September, Fiji became the one-hundredth Diplomatic Mission in Israel and the seventh country to open its Embassy in Jerusalem, alongside the U.S., Guatemala, Honduras, Kosovo, Papua New Guinea and Paraguay. This further strengthens the very close religious and cultural connection Fiji has with the Holy Land.

    Wooden blocks spelling the name of the nation Israel.
    Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash, formatted in Canva

    While any move or gesture to support Israel draws criticism from her detractors, we Christians have a Biblical mandate to advocate for the peace of Jerusalem.

    Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: “May they prosper who love you. Peace be within your walls, prosperity within your palaces.”

    Psalm 122:6-7 NKJV

    We might not have the political standing or the financial means to endorse Israel, but I think our prayers also help because through them we agree with God’s will and heart for His people.

    May this new year bring you prosperity as you pray for the peace of Jerusalem and the salvation of God’s people.

    The grace of our Lord and Saviour Yeshua be with you all. Amen.

    Featured image by Circe Denyer on Public Domain Pictures, formatted in Canva

  • The Conversation – Should Joan Didion’s therapy notes to her husband about their daughter have been published?

    The Conversation – Should Joan Didion’s therapy notes to her husband about their daughter have been published?

    Gemma Nisbet, Curtin University

    Joan Didion died, aged 87, in 2021. When a new volume of her diaries was announced, anticipation was high: her personal nonfiction is the foundation of her formidable literary legacy. But as details emerged, readers began to question the ethics of its publication.

    Billed as offering “astonishingly intimate” insights, Notes to John recounts conversations with Didion’s psychiatrist between December 1999 and January 2003. It draws on a series of letters addressed to Didion’s husband, fellow writer and frequent collaborator, John Gregory Dunne.

    And it is not only Didion and Dunne’s lives that are revealed in the book’s pages, but also their only child’s. Indeed, Didion had begun her therapy sessions at the urging of her then-30-something daughter, Quintana, who was experiencing an acute mental health crisis and struggling with alcohol addiction.

    As the short, unattributed introduction notes, the book draws from “a collection of about 150 unnumbered pages […] found in a small portable file” near the author’s desk after her death. (Other contents included “a list of guests at Christmas parties” and “computer passwords”.)

    This material went on to form part of the Didion/Dunne archive at the New York Public Library, with “no restrictions” on access. But it has been reported that Didion did not leave specific instructions for how it should be handled. The trustees of Didion’s literary estate, literary editor Lynn Nesbit, and two of her longtime editors, Shelley Wanger and Sharon DeLano, made the decision to publish.

    At least some those close to her have subsequently expressed disquiet about its publication. Numerous reviewers have confessed to feeling “discomfited” and voyeur-like while reading.

    Would Didion have wanted us to read this book? And should it have been published if not?

    Ethics of posthumous publication

    Posthumous publication has long been a source of literary controversy. There is no shortage of examples of work published against an author’s wishes after their death.

    Lolita author Vladimir Nabokov, Nobel laureate Gabriel García Márquez, 19th-century poet Emily Dickinson and – perhaps most notoriously – novelist Franz Kafka are among the prominent writers who left explicit instructions for their unpublished work to be destroyed following their passing, only for it to later appear in print.

    Sometimes such issues arise even when the author is still living. The 2015 publication of Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman – marketed as a sequel to her only other published novel, the 1960 classic To Kill a Mockingbird – sparked concern that the then-elderly Lee had been coerced into reversing her long-held stance that she would never publish again.

    The controversy was heightened by the fact Go Set a Watchman received decidedly mixed reviews. In some readers’ eyes, its publication tarnished both Lee’s literary legacy and the reputation of To Kill a Mockingbird’s heroic lawyer, Atticus Finch, who is depicted as less than righteous in Go Set a Watchman.

    This suggests the way such debates are often weighed in terms of public opinion. As Didion herself once observed:

    This question of what should be done with what a writer leaves unfinished goes back to, and is conventionally answered by, citing works we might have lost had the dying wishes of their authors been honored.

    We are, then, perhaps more receptive to potentially unauthorised posthumous publications if the result is a literary masterpiece. We may feel less forgiving when the work is of less certain quality.

    The role of the writer

    Didion did publish her own thoughts on this subject. A near-lifelong devotee of Ernest Hemingway, she criticised the posthumous publication of work left unfinished when he died in 1961.

    In a 1998 New Yorker article, she noted Hemingway’s disdain for such practices, quoting a letter he’d written in 1952 to an author working on a book about his early career:

    Writing that I do not wish to publish, you have no right to publish. I would no more do a thing like that to you than I would cheat a man at cards or rifle his desk or wastebasket or read his personal letters.

    Didion also saw in Hemingway’s famously precise prose style further evidence of the wrongheadedness of such endeavours. Hemingway was a writer for whom seemingly minor points of grammar, syntax and punctuation were deeply consequential. As Didion wrote,

    This was a man to whom words mattered. He worked at them, he understood them, he got inside them.

    In her telling, the power of his writing arose from his exacting control over his craft: over what was included, but also what was left out. To make decisions on such matters without the input of the author was, she argued, nothing less than “a denial of the idea that the role of the writer in his or her work is to make it”.

    A matter of style

    Like Hemingway, Didion was a master stylist, known for the crystalline elegance of her prose and her investment in questions of writerly craft. There can be a mistaken tendency to think of autobiographical writing as straightforwardly confessional – simply opening a vein onto the page – but this was never Didion’s way.

    Even when her writing felt emotionally raw and self-revelatory, it was always finely wrought, informed by those lessons from Hemingway about the power of deliberate omission. This was, after all, a woman sufficiently private that she kept her treatment for breast cancer secret for years from everyone but Dunne.

    Many of the hallmarks of Didion’s writerly style are present in Notes to John: the fragmentary quality, the clarity of her prose, even snakes as recurrent image. But in recounting this emotionally fraught subject matter at little temporal remove, she becomes direct to the point of bluntness.

    At one point, for example, Didion’s psychiatrist praises her “extraordinary insight” into her relationship with her own mother. She responds:

    Extraordinary or not […] it’s not much help in just getting on with life. It’s even counterproductive, considering that my mother is now 89. It’s not as if we’re going to resolve anything by confronting this.

    Of course, it soon becomes apparent Didion’s relationship to her mother is highly relevant to how she has parented her daughter. If, as one of Didion’s most widely quoted lines puts it, she wrote to “find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means”, in Notes to John, that process is seemingly very much a work in progress.

    All of this contributes to the sense of reading something not intended to be published in anything like its current form – and thus not yet rising to the status of masterpiece. Didion would go on to write about at least some of this subject matter in later books, particularly 2011’s Blue Nights, which chronicles her grief after Quintana’s death in 2005, less than two years after Dunne’s passing. But the way this material is handled in Blue Nights is markedly different.

    Where Notes to John moves in a chronological fashion through time, Blue Nights mimics the workings of memory with its non-linearity. Notes to John feels, formally speaking, like exactly that: a series of notes or journal entries covering a specific span of time. Blue Nights, however, takes advantage of the expansive, hybrid possibilities of the essay to cast its net wider and tell a fuller story about love, parents and children, guilt and grief.

    Notably, in Blue Nights, Didion does discuss Quintana’s diagnoses with conditions including borderline personality disorder, but largely elides the specific nature of her addiction. In Notes to John, it is faced head on and discussed in detail.

    Didion was a writer known for her obliqueness – for her mastery of what the Irish writer Brian Dillon calls the essayists’ “sidelong glance”; that is, a way of illuminating difficult subject matter by approaching it indirectly.

    Notes to John’s forthrightness is thus a contrast to Didion’s classic nonfiction. There, her narratives often proceed by a logic of association, asking readers to make connections via metaphor and to fill in the gaps to see how this relates to that.

    In the space of a single chapter in Blue Nights, for example, Didion goes from recounting Quintana’s wedding day to recalling the family’s home in suburban Los Angeles to reflecting on the process of getting a New York driver’s licence when they later moved east.

    There’s discussion of a psychiatric text about suicide from the 1930s, a quote from the ancient Greek playwright Euripides, and the image of Quintana in 2003, “in an induced coma, breathing only on a respirator” during “the first in a cascade of medical crises that would end twenty months later with her death”.

    This mode of storytelling is quintessential Didion. It can give rise to accusations of ambiguity or evasiveness – charges levelled at her work more than once. But it also has the potential to protect an author and the people around them as they share intimacies, keeping them firmly in control of what is revealed, and not.

    Marital eavesdropping

    Notes to John is also troubled by a question of intended readership. One of the people responsible for its publication – Didion’s agent Lynn Nesbit, also one of her literary trustees – has acknowledged this material “wasn’t written to be published”. Its title makes clear it was written for an audience of one: for Dunne.

    This is also evident stylistically, in its second-person narration directed at a “you” so familiar with the people and events it mentions that Didion doesn’t need to explain throwaway references to “the Nick narrative” or someone called Marian. Footnotes have been inserted to clarify that the former refers to Dunne’s strained relationship with his older brother, while the latter was Quintana’s boss at a magazine. Their presence emphasises that we are eavesdropping on intimate martial conversations.

    The portrait of Didion that emerges is thus startlingly vulnerable: we see her frailties, anxieties and doubts – particularly regarding her and Dunne’s parenting of Quintana, who they adopted as a newborn – far more directly than in her other published writing.

    Perhaps there is value in this: another of Didion’s literary trustees, her longtime editor Shelley Wanger, has said she hoped the book’s unguarded quality would offer a corrective to Didion’s somewhat chilly public image.

    I can also see that Didion’s candour may provide comfort to readers dealing with similar difficulties. Notes to John has much to say that is resonant and truthful about depression, anxiety, addiction and the grinding difficulties of supporting a loved one through such challenges.

    “You and your husband are going through hell,” Didion’s psychiatrist tells her during a discussion of “a hard weekend” in which she and Dunne had worried for Quintana’s safety. “You can only love her,” the doctor says. “You can’t save her.”

    Ethical responsibilities

    I am less inclined to agree with those who suggest the ethical ramifications of publishing this material are less relevant because Didion, Dunne and their daughter are no longer alive to suffer the pain or embarrassment of exposure.

    Life writing scholar G. Thomas Couser has argued that while death could “seem to suggest utter invulnerability to harm” when it comes to being written about, it may actually “be the state of ultimate vulnerability and dependency”, given that the deceased can offer neither consent nor self defence.

    From this perspective, Notes to John’s depiction of Quintana is particularly troubling. Readers gain an intimate view of what must have been some of her most vulnerable moments as she struggles with addiction and mental ill-health.

    We watch – through the eyes of her loving, fretful and perhaps overprotective mother – as she fumbles, relapses and at times, says things to her parents it seems likely she’d have lived to regret.

    We see mother and daughter’s extreme closeness, perhaps even codependency (“You and Quintana had been for too long two people in the same skin,” the doctor observes).

    We also see Didion’s guilt at what she regards as her culpability for her child’s inability to cope with life, in part for the way she has projected her own at-times debilitating anxieties onto her. “I had always been afraid we would lose her,” Didion admits.

    All of this frequently makes for devastating reading. But it also gives the clear sense that Didion recognised her daughter as what Couser terms “a vulnerable subject” – and so strove to protect her, in her published writing as in her life.

    Frozen in time

    Notes to John peters out in January 2003, following Didion’s account of a fractious joint psychiatry session with Quintana.

    As readers, we know how things will end: with a woman mourning both her husband and daughter, and turning to writing to try – as she always has – to make sense of it all. In the pages of these journals, however, she is frozen in time: “I was trying to keep her alive,” she says of Quintana. “Because she was killing herself day by day.”

    Should Notes to John have been published? Or should it have been left to the relative obscurity of the archive, where it would have been read by Didion scholars, biographers and super fans, rather than a potential audience of millions?

    From an ethical standpoint, I think the latter option would have been more defensible. But it’s also true that this revealing, raw and often hauntingly moving little book will stay with me – in large part for the complex portrait of Didion’s guilt and devotion to her daughter that it reveals.


    If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.The Conversation

    Gemma Nisbet, Lecturer in Professional Writing and Publishing, Curtin University

    This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


    Why is this article here?

    Joan Didion’s On Keeping A Notebook from her first work of nonfiction, Slouching Towards Bethlehem, was the first published writing from a recognised writer that affirmed, for me, the practice of keeping a notebook. I’ve kept a notebook (wishing for this one) since I started high school; it’s one of those things I feel I must do.

    Although I’ve never read any of her books (every time I visit my favourite second-hand bookshop, which is actually not a bookshop, but that’s a story for another time, anyway, I always wish that I’ll find a Joan Didion book among the mess of books, but so far I haven’t found one), I’ve read enough samples of her books on Amazon that I feel like I know her; what I’ve read so far makes me want to read more of her writing.

    Notes to John was published posthumously earlier this year. The book consists of a collection of her journal entries from her therapy sessions in the early 2000s, which were discovered in a file drawer after her passing (click here to read a sample of the book). When I saw this article on www.theconversation.com, and with permission to republish articles for free, I took the opportunity to share it here. I hope you enjoy it.

    Featured image from Canva

  • Psalm 25: A Plea for Deliverance and Forgiveness

    Psalm 25: A Plea for Deliverance and Forgiveness

    Make this, one of King David’s plea for deliverance and forgiveness, part of your prayer, and prayer life.

    A Psalm of David

    1. To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.

    2. O my God, I trust in You; let me not be ashamed; let not my enemies triumph over me.

    3. Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

    4. Show me, Your ways, O LORD; teach me, Your paths.

    5. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day.

    6. Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your loving kindnesses, for they have been from old.

    7. Do not remember the sins of youth, nor my transgressions; according to Your Mercy remember me, for Your goodness’ sake, O LORD.

    8. Good and upright is the LORD; therefore He teaches sinners in the way.

    9. The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way.

    10. All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth, to such as keep His covenant and His testimonies.

    11. For Your name’s sake, O LORD, pardon my inquiry, for it is great.

    12. Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him shall He teach in the way He chooses.

    13. He himself shall dwell in prosperity, and his descendants shall inherit the earth.

    14. The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, and He will show them His covenant.

    15. My eyes are ever toward the LORD,for He shall pluck my feet out of the net.

    16. Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me, for I’m desolate and afflicted.

    17. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; oh, bring me out of my distressed!

    18. Look on my affliction and my pain, and forgive all my sins.

    19. Consider my enemies, for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.

    20. Oh, keep my soul, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.

    21. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You.

    22. Redeem Israel, O God, out of all their troubles!


    This is from the New King James Version.

  • Ripples in the Lake by May Coates

    Ripples in the Lake by May Coates

    This book left me nostalgic for an age of innocence, a time when romance books were romantic. A time so far removed from the filth that now passes for romance in books.

    Ripples in the Lake is a throwback to a time when Mills & Boon romances were peopled with virtuous heroines and arrogant but gorgeous heroes. This is the first book by May Coates that I’ve read; according to Amazon, she’s had only two books published so far. (Amazon affiliate links are included here!)

    My Goodreads review

    Ripples in the LakeRipples in the Lake by May Coates
    My rating: 2 of 5 stars

    When I first saw the cover of this book at the second-hand bookshop I frequent, it immediately took me back to my high school years (90s), when I first read Mills & Boon books. The Mills and Boon books I read were set in the 1970s and 1980s, and like this one, are what is now called ‘clean romance’, which is almost its own genre if you read a lot of reviews and book samples on Amazon, like I do.

    Coates follows the tried-and-tested formula set for Mills & Boon authors: Girl meets boy, they disagree about some nonsensical thing or other, despite the boy’s rudeness, the girl falls hopelessly in love with him. Coates makes this a May-December romance, and while the romance is clean, the plot is vague, and the two main characters are a little incomplete.

    The story is about Helen, a twenty-one-year-old orphan, who applies for a matron-housekeeper post at a boys’ boarding school. However, the school bursar, Ward Prescott, thinks she is too young and inexperienced for the job.

    Set in Oakfield, a boys’ boarding school in England, the story benefits from Coates’ description of the scenery. The boarding school reminded me of the Meadowbank School for Girls from Agatha Christie’s Cat Among the Pigeons, with its busy school life.

    There were a few incidents where Helen, despite her youth and inexperience, displayed almost superhuman strength and quick thinking that saved lives. I got the feeling that Coates was trying too hard to turn Helen into an angel on earth figure, but this only served to give her a facade that could melt away on a hot summer’s day.

    There’s a lot of telling and a lot less showing, and the point of view changed so abruptly between all the characters that it made me dizzy. It’s a short story and a quick read; you can easily finish it in a few hours.

    I recommend this book for fans of clean romance who want to revisit their favourite Mills and Boon books of yesteryears.

    View all my reviews

    Your thoughts

    Have you read this book? Please share your thoughts in the comments.